I remembered when I was younger and much smaller, I really wanted to be Superman or Ultraman, I liked the thought of beating bad guys and saving the world from evil people and surprisingly, that dream never did fade away from me.

The recent terrorist attack(s) on Mumbai was one of the times when people wanted a superhero, as at that point of time, the average citizen would feel helpless and all they could do is despair and dread.

It's like you're going for a normal shopping routine with your family in your favorite supermarket and suddenly you see people running, screaming and they fall down... one by one.

The next thing you know the nozzle of a gun was at your face and as you turn, you see one of your family member on the floor... soaked in blood.

No!!! This can't be happening!!!
Why? Why us?

I can't imagine the feelings running through my body if I was caught in that situation.

Pain?
Confused?
Angry?
Sad?

The torment of family members who got wind of the news would be even worse, not knowing what's happening is the most dreadful thing anyone would feel.

You sit at your comfortable home, eating your favorite food and as you switch the television on, you saw the news covering on terrorist attacks. As you lament how such things can happen, you picked up one information from the screen, the location of the attack.

Your brother went there two days ago for a trip.

You scrambled for your mobile, fumbling through your contacts and as you dialled the number, you hear nothing but some stupid automated voice answering you, you hang up.

Dialled again, same response.
Dialled again, same response.
Dialled again, same response.

Fear creeps into your heart and knowing that you don't know anything makes it worse. You slumped into your seat, thinking, despairing and you try to calm yourself but small negative voices in your head poison your mind, making every single movement a mistake.

Is he alive?
Is he dead?
No! He can't be dead! He's alive, he should be!!
But that's his hotel they just blew up!!!
NO!!! He must live, he must... somehow.

Imagine as the minutes, the hours, the days pass by while you still desperately do everything you can to find out how your brother is doing?

All you wanted to know is if he's alive.

This is just as much as I can imagine, the actual emotions would be a hundred times greater than what I described. Little children would want their favorite superheroes to save their daddy or mommy from the bad people and adults could only wish that they could do something to prevent the catastrophe.

If only Superman was real

Yet we are helpless, all we could do is hope and wish.

These terrorists again dare admitted that they are of the religion of peace, I don't see how they are abiding to the ways of their religion in the manner of their conduct. It is amazing how humans can lose all rationality when they are brainwashed and psyched up to the extend of killing in the name of God.

I do not see the logic in teaching children to hate people of other religions and demeaning the so called "infidels" in the syllabus.

How dare they use religion as a tool of war, how dare they poison the minds of children, how dare they take innocent lives so easily?!! They have twisted the teachings of the religion of peace to their own profits and I can see why the image of this religion has literally gone down to the drain.

Humanity needs a change, fast.

A moment of silence for those who died in the attack.

Child Murder Case Shocks NZ Court

I just couldn't believe my eyes when I read this. How can people put a small child through such pain and torment? People like this should not be executed, they should be put through the same treatment the child got from them. Two adult men tortured a three-year old girl and what did the mother do? Nothing!!! She just stood by and watch and the worst part is the neighbors knew about the suffering of the child but what did they do? Nothing!!! How can you stand by and watch a three-year old kid get abused in such sick ways.

This is an extract from the page about the list of sufferings little Nia went through:

I had the sudden urge to be like him, you know, the part when he starts running non-stop and had followers behind him and all. And so I have decided and psyched myself up that I will complete a marathon or a half-marathon at least, before I leave this country and no, I don't know how or what compelled me to do so. It's like a sudden revelation: I have to run. I think I can compare it to the sudden feeling of eating something, like for no reason you feel like eating sushi or something like that. This urge pushed me into utilizing the power of the internet to search for marathon training programs and the do's and don'ts.

Seems like you have to be running for at least a year before you can even start training for a marathon but I don't care, I'll do the necessary conditioning. I have been sporadically playing football and I know I can jog for 40 minutes (maybe more) non-stop and run 5 minutes (maybe 3 though) non-stop though I don't know how far that would take me.

I would also like to blame my dad's gene for this urge to run, he's a marathon runner and it does seem like I'll be following his footsteps. I don't know if there are any diet or extra nutrition I should take like my dad does but I know I would have to keep myself hydrated the whole time.

Today I begin my first day of training, I'm eyeing to be fit for running by June or May next year, hopefully. God I love the feeling of stretching my muscles, it's ecstatic, I've always wished I could pull more but that would cause more harm than good. Maybe I should learn how to do the split but I don't know if that's a good thing to do on your own. Hmm, I should've done this years ago.

On another note, there's more and more countries are going into recession, which is very worrying seeing how my country is worrying about their party elections more than the economy and the top leaders going off to god knows where to do god knows what, effectively making this country leaderless for the moment. I'm also worried about my scholarship, since its government-sponsored, I wouldn't want to be like the scholarship holders during the SEA economic recession, which forced them to come back to the country. The government told the people to save their money and all, but I think that wouldn't work.

When you take into account loans (car loans, house loans, etc, etc, weekly expenditure for necessary goods, supporting your children, paying your kids' fees, books, new uniforms, shoes, allowance, then there's income tax, gas, electric and water bills, and maybe emergencies if anyone got sick. A family that has an income of around RM5000 monthly would definitely feel the pinch, what more to those that earns RM1000 monthly, I don't think they would have enough to support themselves. And this is all happening while this country of mine is not in recession, I can't imagine what would happen if it does go into recession.

How can we actually get ourselves out of this mess created by greedy people? I've no idea and maybe if I stumbled across a good advice, I'll post it here. Meanwhile, it does help to save some money or grow your own food for the moment. Being self-sufficient should be of the utmost priority but even this might pose problems as this country is focusing more on building condominums and apartments which provide little or no land for anyone to grow or breed anything.

I did come across a book which talked about the prospect of oil crisis and what to do if it happens and the funny thing is, I stumbled upon it long before the oil crisis began. One of the advice it gave was converting all your savings to gold, as gold isn't affected by currency and the rate of its increasing price can only go up (god I'm using the third derivative here).

So, do take note of this economic crisis and brace yourself for it even if you have absolutely no knowledge of the economy. You don't wanna end up on the wrong side of the scale when the black day comes.

I would take out the first placard which has "Marry Me Zee!!!!" while Deejay will takeout another one which says "He's Serious!!!" while holding up a big finger pointing to me

Since I wasn't being optimistic so I thought when she says no, I'll put up another placard which says, "Aww, How About A Date?"

Again if she says no, then I'll put up another placard which displays, "Nvm, I'll Ask Yuna Then." Then Deejay would put up another placard which shows, "NO!!! She's Mine!!!"

And so on Friday evening I started working on the placards. My first attempt at it was really, really disastrous and I had to ask for my sister's help because she's an aspiring drawing artist. The work took us from 5.30 pm to 1.00++ am. During our toil at 6.30 pm,

Me : Ria, ape ni, it's one hour and we haven't even finished drawing the outline for one side of the board!
Ria : We're watching the tv while doing this, memangla tak habis cepat.
Me : Aiya, this will take foreverla.
Ria : Belum lagi colour them kan.
Me : *Ughhh* *Starts watching TV3* (Unlike you I do not have an astro)



She also reminded me that it might rain ("Choy!" said I) and I was thankful for not throwing the plastic that came with the mounting boards. My sister and I felt very proud of our end product:


Armed with a guitar and plastic of placards, I made my way to Cap Square Boulevard. We lost our way at first, I don't know why but I always seem to get lost whenever I want to go Koko Kaina's (I prefer calling her this way) performance but we reached Cap Square Boulevard. No I didn't take pictures of the place, takut habis battery afterwards when I need it but it was kind of newly built. Nothing much in it but there's a cinema, which is a good thing since I could choose to go there if KLCC and Mid Valley is too crowded. So when we reached there we were greeted by kids in uniform (Federal Reserve Union) and we went jalan-jalan for awhile.

Then I decided to hang at the stage and watch the sessions. First I saw was Isaac Entry, apparently he has Iban blood in him (go, go Sarawakians!!!). His style of singing reminds me of John Mayer and he was really friendly with the audience. Most prominent I think was the song about PJ, it seems that he really missed the place when he was away. The guitar works was simple and soothing and there's a touch of reggae to it. He also did a cover of Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry. I wonder where I can get his stuff.



Next up was Bo - Bedroom Sanctuary, no I don't know who he is but the host of the day, Taya, says that he's multi-talented. He's the turn-table specialist for Cosmic Space Monkeys (God, how long has it been since I've heard about that band). He tried connecting with the audience but to no avail. Anyway, his songs were quite slow, though I like slow songs, I think his are dragging much. The lyrics and melody was nice and all, I guess if the tempo was a bit faster I would have enjoyed it more but well it's just my thought.

Waltz was up next but I didn't stay to watch because my stomach was making noise, so I went to makan. Deejay messed around with a Celcom promoter on our way to makan. I didn't even look at the stalls, I don't know why, maybe they don't look like food stalls. There weren't much choices in Cap Square so I settled for buns and sausages.

Then I went back to watch Reza Salleh. He came up, no hi, no hello, terus perform the songs, and though in between the songs there were some uhh, "conversations" but that's about it, I don't really feel the link between him and the audience. Oh well, at least his songs were great, hands down.

Rashdan Harith was funky with his band. I like the bassist, really adds substance to the overall music. I should get his EP (Just realized I'm not good at giving reviews). I have this affection for bass because it's simple but if you know your way around it, it becomes very complex and very, very tantalizing to the ear. Bassist are greatly underappreciated these days, so do drummers. People tend to think the two are very easy and choose not to learn them. A sad thing really.

Next was Yuna who was really wonderful with her darling voice. I think she sang all her songs in her EP and with the addition of "Rocket". She would sweep a lot of people off their feet if she could be promoted overseas. I love her guitar, I've seen a lot of guitars but this particular one that she was holding caught my eye. I wonder what brand the guitar is, when I have the money (I wonder when is that), I think I'll get myself one. Yuna really looked tired and she seems to be worrying about something else, I'm not sure though. I kesian her le, I think she has exams and the amount of people wanting to get a bit of her attention after her performance would have really worn her down even more. She looked as if her performance was another chore to her. Ahhh, the pain of juggling between studies and life. But for all that, I got her EP. Wee~

My highly anticipated performance of the day which most people would've known already finally came. Dressed in blue and wearing that cheerful smile on her face with a ukelele in her hands, yep ladies and gentlemen, it's Miss Zee Avi or better known as Koko Kaina *screams like a girl in a boy band concert* Before she came on stage, I was fumbling with my placards, trying to block it from everyone else's view. She saw me and said "Hi, Nico" (on stage summore) and I was like, wow, wow, wow, she remembered my name!!! My heart was beating really, really fast, adrenaline I suppose but eventually I put up my placards when she finally settled down. The look on her face? Priceless. She was really taken by surprise, I guessed she had never expected it. Too bad I didn't record it, it never crossed my mind to bring two cameras. Bummer. She didn't answer my question so Djawad said loudly, "So what's the answer?" Krishna echoed the question and she took awhile before answering, "Did you bring a ring? Hmm, I want a white unicorn. That should be in our pre-nuptial agreement." I was in a daze for awhile when she said that and then I flipped my placard which showed, "Aww, how about a date then?" to which she answered, "Where can you take me?"


I wasn't prepared for that the things that flashed through my mind while searching for an answer was climbing mountains, swimming rivers and seas, and Coliseum. I did thought of France and Italy but I wasn't sure with my current financial status. This was when I realized that I do not know of any fancy places to go to if ever I go out on a date and that I lack a car or the driving license to take anyone out comfortably. Gahh, I feel so pathetic. So she performed a few songs, started off with Poppy and then The Traveller, Honey Bee, Just You and Me, You Belong to Me and Kantoi. I made a fool of myself in that last song, which I would not expose here due to the great shame I have inflicted upon myself (or so I think). Her voice was heavenly and I was put into a trance (happens everytime when I listen to her music and classical pieces from the Baroque and the Romantic era) almost immediately.


(The author wishes to write more of his feelings but would prefer to keep these feelings to himself )

Right after her performance, I took my guitar out and went to her. She saw me and went out and hugged me. I was taken by surprise again and everything started to move very fast for me, I couldn't grasp what was going on. She asked whether I wanted to take pictures and so we did with various poses, I was nervous because I was sweaty and sticky (hates it when that happens). *Note to self, always bring toiletries to every outdoor performance to clean self after three hours*




Me : Would you sign my guitar?
Zee : Aww, you want me to do that?
Me : *takes out pathetic sharpie* Please do

Then suddenly a lady came out of no where with a bigger marker pen for Miss Zee to sign. I should have thanked that lady for providing the marker pen, that was really nice of her to take the trouble to look for a marker pen. She saw my shirt which somehow covered the sign Crazee Causa to just Zee and gave such a cute expression.

Miss Zee also said I made her week and when somebody asked what was her reply to my proposal, she said, "An indefinite maybe". I know a lot of people would say aww, or omigosh, or don't worry Nico but to set the record straight, I had never expected for an answer, I'm happy the way I am. A yes would be an early Christmas gift for me and a no would mean nothing much to me, I did all these to show my gratitude to her for producing such wonderful music and songs which have helped me pull through a lot of things. Sometimes I do all these just for the sake of doing it. And it is to be noted that I lost my tongue during the whole thing and I think that everything happened to fast for me. I wished it could've been longer.

Life is bliss, no?

(The author was told that his blog is starting to look like a fan blog dedicated to Koko Kaina to which he agree that it is. He shall try to tackle on current issues and the art of science in future posts as he thinks addiction should be kept to one's self)

Twenty minutes ago, I felt like doing a mass-killing on a group of very young boys who roamed about with weapons just outside my house. They looked pathetic, lost and menacing, I wonder whether there's still hope for them. Who is to blame? I've used to hear the saying it is up to that person to choose who he or she wants to be no matter how strong the environmental pressure is. I saw them and sigh my heart out. As angry as I was, there was a tinge of sadness, which reminds me of the deceased children in Haiti, in one place you have kids with bright futures dying and at another place, you see children living in a bleak future. What can I do to make things right?

Right now, I'm having this sunken feeling after reading through the latest information on Koko Kaina. Looks like I won't be calling her Koko Kaina again, it's Zee Avi now. She has her own official website, a new myspace, a new facebook (though she has one already), no, it wasn't done by her, she's a technologically blind person (as she admitted), it's the company who signed her who is doing her PR: The Brushfire Records. Why I am sunken you might ask, I don't know, I guess it's like a sense of realization, the whole world will know her, she'll be famous, she'll be on magazines and newspapers. To me it's like chasing after something on the top of a building, only to realize halfway that something took off for the skies. Maybe her videos on Youtube will be taken off, her future messages written by PR manager, guess that personal communication from her will not be seen again.

This might also mean I can't do stupid poses with her, bummer.

Happy? Yeah, I am happy for her, my effort to let all my friends know about this wonderful songstress may have been a very small contribution or it may even didn't do a thing towards her success. She's going to be a star very soon (well she is now) and may start touring with her colleagues in Brushfire Records. Then her life would be documented by paparazzis, reporters and the likes and this would breed insecurity and thus the curse of artistes would befall upon her. I can only wish that I think too much.

How did I fall for a girl whose real name was a mystery to me? If I was born blind, it will only take her voice for me to fall for her. Yeah, that's it, it was her voice. It's so soothing and I could really feel the emotion pouring out of the song and, and there's more to it but I can't put it in words. Sigh, people say I'm crazy about her, I'm all over her, some say I should try make a move and such, some thinks that whatever I'm doing is freaky. I was always a dreamer and will always be one but I've succumbed to the fact that most of the times, dreams are just meant to be dreams no matter how hard you try. I know, I've been through that too many times, so I'm content being just a fan.

My friends say at the rate I'm going, I'll be like one of those celebrity stalker but I think that won't ever happen because the only time I could actually see her is when she performs and that is if I get wind of any news of her performing. Keeping tabs of her upcoming shows is quite hard.

Ahh, this post sounds so pathetic, I can die. Zee Avi eh, cool name. I should plan on helping some orphanages to keep me busy for the holidays. Nah, keeping busy won't put these feelings away but it helps take my focus somewhere else. Most kids brighten my day anyway, *gives a long breath* now I miss my baby cousin Lisa. It's funny how within a space of twenty minutes you can have a lot of feelings running through your system.

I miss cooking. Period. Now that I have two months worth of holiday, I guess it would be nice if I could just take my cooking and guitar skills to the next level and also spend more time playing football. Work you say? I don't know, I'm a lazy bum, seela, extra cash sounds nice. Finals... I had mixed feelings about finals, Calculus took more than 3/4 of my brainpower (very, very hard but doable), Chemistry was normal and for Biology, I feel unjustified doing it. Oh well, exams are exams. Now I'm at home, I resume my role as the chef and also caretaker for my siblings. Ahh, it's been awhile since I last cooked.

But I've got my uni application to work on, which means going back to that dreaded school and face the principal again. I thought I was done with them. Sigh. So where was I? Ah yes, cooking. I started cooking when I was uhh well, I forgot but that time I think I was 7 years old. Both of my parents were working so sometimes I'm home alone. My first try at cooking was Maggi Mee, well, I wouldn't call that cooking but it was on the stove! I remembered cooking Maggi until it was really dry because I don't like the soup and my parents would always tell me not to do that. Then when I was in Sibu, I had to cook for my younger siblings because my dad was a really busy man and my mom was living in KL, they were working really hard to make our lives comfortable. I started off with frying chickens and burgers, then my dad taught me about marinating beef. Once I was so into Nestum-coated Chicken, I tried making them on my own, without any guide from anyone or anything. It turned out good, maybe because it's fried but hey, I was 10 at that time.

My cooking skills grew exponentially during my high school years due to the lack of activity during school holidays and the fact that my parents needed me to cook for my siblings. This is the period when I learned how to cook masak kicap, masak merah, fried rice, vegetables (easiest), egg fu yong, soup and a lot more. I learned how to clean a fish (taking out innards, descale them), prawns, chicken (fat and skin are no good) and essential kitchen skills. Once I got tired of cooking masak kicap and masak merah all the time, I decided to try Prawn Sambal on my own. My dad didn't believe me when I told him I cooked it and he even asked my mom who exactly cooked it. I guess I surprised him at that time.

The sad thing is, my siblings don't know how to cook real food, they only know how to fry. I wonder how they'll survive without me around, my mom can't cook for them every single day, it's just too tiring for her to do that. Even worse, most girls these days don't know how to cook or rather, they don't bother. Call me a sexist but I think that girls, naturally, should be able to cook. Most girls I know don't know how to cook, and I thought I could learn a few things from them. The place I study now has people from different races, I was hoping I could get recipes for a few Chinese or Indian cuisine, guess I would have to look for that on my own. Most if not all will always be surprised when I tell them that I can cook. A normal conversation would go like this

Me : I can cook you know.
Friend : *Surprised look* Really? Oh you mean you can boil water?
Me : *Does a boring face and starts listing out what I can cook*
Friend : Are you for real? You're lying right?
Me : ........ I can cook better than all of the girls you know.

Such conversations are irritating and trivial. Oh well, since the holiday has started, I should look for new recipes to try out. Oh yeah.