Of Axiom and Principles: September 2010

Happy Birthday Mommy

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Dear Mommy,

(This should be read while the song, “Ibu, Engkaulah Ratu Hatiku” is playing in the background)

Living here in the US has made me realize one thing, I’ve never personally made a Happy Birthday card for you or even a Mother’s Day card for you, not even when I was a small kid. You know, the card that’s supposed to have my scrummy little handwriting that says, “To the best Mommy in the world” or “I Love You Mom”. Ringin might have done a bunch, but not me. So here’s one for you.

I’ve done so many things to make other people happy, and of course you know the crazy things I do for Zee Avi but I’ve realized I’ve never went the same distance for you even though you did so many things for me, way too many things that I can’t keep track of. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make you feel the most special Mommy in the world but all I could manage was this wall of text.

All I could remember was making you worry all the time and the things you did for us.

When I broke my leg when I was just a toddler, I don’t know how worried you were at that time or what you were feeling. But I remembered you really took care of me, pushing me in my baby stroller just so I’m not left out from anything. There were only 5 of us at that time, me, Gegirl, Ria, you and Daddy.

When I was seven, when I first started primary school, remember the time when I didn’t come back even though it was 8pm? The day when my friend’s mother took him and me out for makan-makan, and when I got back, you were really glad to see me. You asked where I went and I nonchalantly said, “My friend’s mother took us out”. I don’t exactly remember how worried you were but now that I think about it, gosh, you must have been worried sick. And that was also my first time learning the word “permission”.

Then during the time when we had to move to Kuching, I remembered when we had to live apart, Gegirl, Ria and Coebar and I had to live with Daddy in Sarawak while Ringin and Scar had to live with you in KL, just so you and Daddy can still support us all as a family. We were home alone most of the time after school, Daddy had to work until evening, but he’s always home by seven. I don’t know how you felt at that time, not being able to see us as often, wondering how we were here and whatnot. I don’t think we even called you that often.

Then there was my teenage years, especially in boarding school. My hormones were raging wild and you had to deal with all the crap I put out. First year of boarding school was a pretty tough time for me and you and Daddy were affected as well. You’ve always had my needs and wants in check throughout those 5 years in boarding school. During fasting you came every weekend to give me food, so that I’m not stuck with breaking my fast with crappy Dewan Makan food.

You were always there when I needed you, always helping me out with petty little things while still dealing with my range of emotions. I remembered you offered advice when I had a crush on this girl, you even got presents for me to give to her but I never had the balls to give it to her. . Even now, when I’m a thousand miles from you, I seek help from you even if it’s just deciding on what to wear for an occasion. There’s no else I could turn to but you.

All of my good traits in managing and dealing with people come from you and Daddy. You’ve groomed me to be a gentleman, taught me how to dance, how to deal with girls, everything that’s good about me, I owe it to you.

I could list out 1% of all the things you did for me and not even the internet could hold that portion. And you have five other kids beside me. Every single thing you had to worry about me, every single sacrifice you did for me, you had to do it another 5 times, for the other five.

My guard is at my lowest with you Mommy, the only person who could make me cry without even trying to is you. I can’t recall the number of times I’ve cried in front of you, but I do know those are only the times I’ve ever cried. Even right now, while writing this, it takes so much effort not to let the tears flow freely. You’ve always said that I was a sensitive guy, I guess I am, but I am only that person when I’m with you or when it’s about you.

If everyone else in this world has forsaken me, I know I’ll still have you to turn to and that’s why you are and will always be the number one lady in my heart. No other girl, not even Zee Avi would be able to take your place.

I wished I could have been a much better son for you and do so much more for you. I don’t think I will ever be able to match the things you’ve done for me.

So here’s to you Mommy.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

Happy Birthday,

Love,

Boboy

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It Needs Both Way To Work, But This Is My Side of The Story

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The mind is a wonderful thing, complicated at times though. I sometimes wish I have the power to read minds, figuring out what’s going on in a person’s head so that I could plan my next move better. Some suggests reading body language is a way around it, but then I have to be trained to properly read a person like that show “Lie to Me”. I wish it were that easy to analyze a person, imagine all the things I could do!

Sometimes, when I meet someone whom I rarely talk to or someone new, we’ll have eye contact and I get the feeling that the person wants to talk more but hesitates, and I’ve never made it any easier for the both of us because I hesitate too. Sometimes I get the feeling that the person wants to talk to me but the person can’t figure out what topic to talk about. That search for things to talk about goes in my head too sometimes.

There’s never a sure-fire way to strike a conversation with someone, even with a person I know. I try to be myself every time but I forget that some might not be comfortable with what I do. The language I use is crude at times (especially if I speak in Malay, no profanity, just, crude), I speak my mind, I like to play with words and tease people. Most of the time it works, but sometimes, I have to make alterations and most of the time when I do make the alteration, it’s too late and everything becomes awkward. =/

I wish there was a course in analyzing people, I would definitely take that.

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Raya

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And so the month of Ramadan has passed, and the Eid celebration began, which always means one thing: Food overload. I didn’t gorge on much food last raya but this year, God, it’s almost like back at home, makan, makan, makan and makan. Luckily I’m able to hold myself back and consume only two servings each time there was an eating event. At least being able to spread out my eating time throughout the day helps in reducing the appetite.

I couldn’t get to Skype with my family back in Malaysia because they’re in Perak and the internet connection there is horrible. I’m almost indifferent at the thought of having to celebrate Raya away from friends and family. I did manage to call them though, but that only lasted like less than half an hour because they’re at Opah Nyah’s house. I called my best friends, with each call lasting from 30 minutes to 3 hours during the night before Raya. It was awesome, slightly tiring but awesome nonetheless.

Then there was the MYSA raya event, it was a very enjoyable occasion, everyone was smiling, laughing, and had a very good time. I enjoy sitting back and watching others enjoying themselves, I realize that this makes me look sort of a lonely and distant person but I just don’t feel the need to partake in the occasion. I think the feeling is like when an elderly person who smiles as he or she watches young children playing around. Ah, that does make me sound old though, oh well.

The new raya song by Yuna is ohsem and catchy. Makes me want to dance every time it plays, even if it’s in my head. And Zee covered Saloma’s raya song, which made this year’s raya even more amazing.

Only thing that bugs me is the possibility of me celebrating Raya alone the next year, without the company of other Malaysians. No food extravaganza, no salam-salam, no laughter during the first of Syawal, which would be slightly depressing. I’m still looking for those who aren’t going back for the summer, hopefully there won’t be many who are going back but the possibility of that happening is low.