Twenty minutes ago, I felt like doing a mass-killing on a group of very young boys who roamed about with weapons just outside my house. They looked pathetic, lost and menacing, I wonder whether there's still hope for them. Who is to blame? I've used to hear the saying it is up to that person to choose who he or she wants to be no matter how strong the environmental pressure is. I saw them and sigh my heart out. As angry as I was, there was a tinge of sadness, which reminds me of the deceased children in Haiti, in one place you have kids with bright futures dying and at another place, you see children living in a bleak future. What can I do to make things right?

Right now, I'm having this sunken feeling after reading through the latest information on Koko Kaina. Looks like I won't be calling her Koko Kaina again, it's Zee Avi now. She has her own official website, a new myspace, a new facebook (though she has one already), no, it wasn't done by her, she's a technologically blind person (as she admitted), it's the company who signed her who is doing her PR: The Brushfire Records. Why I am sunken you might ask, I don't know, I guess it's like a sense of realization, the whole world will know her, she'll be famous, she'll be on magazines and newspapers. To me it's like chasing after something on the top of a building, only to realize halfway that something took off for the skies. Maybe her videos on Youtube will be taken off, her future messages written by PR manager, guess that personal communication from her will not be seen again.

This might also mean I can't do stupid poses with her, bummer.

Happy? Yeah, I am happy for her, my effort to let all my friends know about this wonderful songstress may have been a very small contribution or it may even didn't do a thing towards her success. She's going to be a star very soon (well she is now) and may start touring with her colleagues in Brushfire Records. Then her life would be documented by paparazzis, reporters and the likes and this would breed insecurity and thus the curse of artistes would befall upon her. I can only wish that I think too much.

How did I fall for a girl whose real name was a mystery to me? If I was born blind, it will only take her voice for me to fall for her. Yeah, that's it, it was her voice. It's so soothing and I could really feel the emotion pouring out of the song and, and there's more to it but I can't put it in words. Sigh, people say I'm crazy about her, I'm all over her, some say I should try make a move and such, some thinks that whatever I'm doing is freaky. I was always a dreamer and will always be one but I've succumbed to the fact that most of the times, dreams are just meant to be dreams no matter how hard you try. I know, I've been through that too many times, so I'm content being just a fan.

My friends say at the rate I'm going, I'll be like one of those celebrity stalker but I think that won't ever happen because the only time I could actually see her is when she performs and that is if I get wind of any news of her performing. Keeping tabs of her upcoming shows is quite hard.

Ahh, this post sounds so pathetic, I can die. Zee Avi eh, cool name. I should plan on helping some orphanages to keep me busy for the holidays. Nah, keeping busy won't put these feelings away but it helps take my focus somewhere else. Most kids brighten my day anyway, *gives a long breath* now I miss my baby cousin Lisa. It's funny how within a space of twenty minutes you can have a lot of feelings running through your system.