Through My Eyes
(I found this lying in my Documents folder, guessed I forgot all about it)
(I noticed that a lot of my posts starts with the words Me, I, My, etc. Guess I do have that self-centered part in me)
My childhood memories were so mundane that I couldn’t recall much from it, I remember a few people but nothing significant happened between me and them. The whole experience of growing up is a very blurry image for me, and I have doubts whether some that I have are real or made up in the midst of wanting fond memories.
I guess moving about almost every year during primary school didn’t help much with my social skills which I have to say is quite appalling for me. This post feels a bit déjà vu –ish. Anyway, I was a very selfish and self-centred boy back then, almost amounting to greedy. I showed no passion towards anything
The rebel, the non-conformist, the oddball, I have adored such labels from a young age, who doesn’t want to be different from the rest? But the boarding school community cruelly stamped this nature of mine because I like to observe and from my observations, no one was comfortable with the individualist, the outstanding ones will be isolated and discriminated and this forced me to adapt with a heavy sacrifice; myself.
My only outlet was in my pedestrian writings (English essays or scribbles) and the indie songs that I listen to. During my time in high school I love to write stories, they revolved around the fantasy genre and it was my tool to escape into a world in which I was the hero, or any world for that matter, as long as it was not reality. I would buy journals I thought to be elegant and expensive and write countless amounts of stories in them but never have I completed any of them for reasons unknown. Maybe it was because I never had a framework in my mind, no plots or such, maybe it was just bursts of emotions, whatever it is I tend not to rationalize my inability to complete a tale. I think of it as a bad habit.
The indie music I listen to was something I was personally proud of, it’s like the feeling of knowing something cool when everyone else doesn’t and this taste of mine was personally shared with select friends. I take pride in this little knowledge I have of whom Aqram was my main source. It was sort of symbolic at that time, a subtler way of acknowledging myself that I am not one of the community, that I am different from the rest.
There was also the fact that I am one of the few whose English was at the better end of the spectrum in school but any pride I had from that was ripped off from me when I came to INTEC where exceptional people beyond my capabilities exist. I didn’t bother much about that though, I always keep in mind that there’s no such thing as the best because there can only be better.
Now being in the US, I can be myself again, be the boy I always wanted to be because now, everything is up to me, I’m not restricted by nonsensical rules or a narrow-minded society. If I don’t make it, there’s no one to blame but myself. Yeah!
I guess moving about almost every year during primary school didn’t help much with my social skills which I have to say is quite appalling for me. This post feels a bit déjà vu –ish. Anyway, I was a very selfish and self-centred boy back then, almost amounting to greedy. I showed no passion towards anything
The rebel, the non-conformist, the oddball, I have adored such labels from a young age, who doesn’t want to be different from the rest? But the boarding school community cruelly stamped this nature of mine because I like to observe and from my observations, no one was comfortable with the individualist, the outstanding ones will be isolated and discriminated and this forced me to adapt with a heavy sacrifice; myself.
My only outlet was in my pedestrian writings (English essays or scribbles) and the indie songs that I listen to. During my time in high school I love to write stories, they revolved around the fantasy genre and it was my tool to escape into a world in which I was the hero, or any world for that matter, as long as it was not reality. I would buy journals I thought to be elegant and expensive and write countless amounts of stories in them but never have I completed any of them for reasons unknown. Maybe it was because I never had a framework in my mind, no plots or such, maybe it was just bursts of emotions, whatever it is I tend not to rationalize my inability to complete a tale. I think of it as a bad habit.
The indie music I listen to was something I was personally proud of, it’s like the feeling of knowing something cool when everyone else doesn’t and this taste of mine was personally shared with select friends. I take pride in this little knowledge I have of whom Aqram was my main source. It was sort of symbolic at that time, a subtler way of acknowledging myself that I am not one of the community, that I am different from the rest.
There was also the fact that I am one of the few whose English was at the better end of the spectrum in school but any pride I had from that was ripped off from me when I came to INTEC where exceptional people beyond my capabilities exist. I didn’t bother much about that though, I always keep in mind that there’s no such thing as the best because there can only be better.
Now being in the US, I can be myself again, be the boy I always wanted to be because now, everything is up to me, I’m not restricted by nonsensical rules or a narrow-minded society. If I don’t make it, there’s no one to blame but myself. Yeah!
I seem to be doing a lot of reflections of my life in my posts, oh well, there’s more to come then. Haha
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