There are so many things I'd like to do in life, most of them being things people do easily.

Driving a car for instance, almost everyone knows how to drive one when they've finished school.

Me? I've been trying to figure out why I couldn't get myself to learn to drive one right after finishing high school. I used to use the excuse "I was born to have a driver to take me around" but that notion doesn't seem very practical now.

I guess it must be fear, I try my best not to blame my dysfunctional left eye but yeah my fear stems from that weakness I have. I'm scared of causing accidents just because I couldn't see things to my left and because I couldn't judge distances as good as a normal person. I don't know how close some things are or how far they might be. My friend say that happens because I've never driven a car before, I hope he's right.

Same thing goes about relationships, though I sweet talk to girls a lot just for fun but I've never been in a relationship. I do ask myself lots of times why am I not in one,

"am I too picky?",
"Am I too passive, never making the first move?",
"Do I fear rejection or do I fear the ramifications after rejection i.e. Talking to each other will be awkward"

I don't know if I'm too modest at times, letting go of chances simply by reasoning; I'm not good enough of a guy for her or she deserves someone better.

I have to admit that at times I am jealous of seeing other people in a relationship, heck my younger brother has been in three different relationships!

But what am I jealous of? I ask myself this too, I know the jealousy is there but of what? Being able to hold hands, or having someone to concentrate my sweet-talking to? Or am I jealous just because I don't have someone to call as "my girl"?

I wish I had a clear answer for these questions I have.

But all I can do right now is sigh.