Redirection
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Reboot
This blog will cease its function as of now.
I've been wanting to start something new but I was too lazy. I'll give the link once I get a new home for my musings up and running.
Cheers,
Nico
Someone Out of Town
So I decided to take a good listen to Yuna's "Someone Out of Town" and thought it was an easy song to transcribe. Well, I'm not actually transcribing it but I got the chords down.
The chords are: (barre chords) F, Am, G.
Repeat them for the whole song. Listen to the song and you'll get the feel of playing them. Enjoy
Apologies
Boy have I been on an emotional roller-coaster, heh. I wish I could tell the whole story here but I guess that would be exposing myself too much. I’ve exposed myself enough on twitter.
I’ve been a stupid and selfish person these past what, one and a half months? Why selfish? Because I’ve punished someone else by punishing myself. I really need to apologize to a lot of people for not being myself. I could’ve make life a lot more colorful for others but instead I chose to be stoic and quiet. I’m still picking myself up, it hurts while I’m doing it but life goes on. I’m really at fault for allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
I’ve been wallowing in self-pity a lot. My recovery from this that beleaguers my heart came in stages, I’d tell you about that some other time.
I guess everyone has their own problems, family problems, work problems, love problems and a bunch of other stuff. I felt like Atlas, trying to carry the weight of the world as I tried to overcome mine, I guess the feeling is shared by everyone as they try to solve theirs. The heaviest and most draining problem I had was myself.
I guess I know very slightly the feeling of a drug addict trying to kick his or her habit. It’s really hard overcoming yourself, convincing that you’ll be okay, wanting to be stronger and all that. The negativity, the voices that whispers in your heart, sometimes just a simple thought, they can take you down easily. I’ve really tried shutting them out, it was like trying to forcibly close an overloaded closet or luggage. In the end, I couldn’t shut them all out, I had to accept that some wouldn’t stay out so I had to take them with me. It was hard, painful and all, but I guess these kind of things make you human.
Never thought I would be so broken like this. I never even thought I would decide to go home so early. Who would’ve thought I would lose the cheery me, that guy who’s always laughing and making fun of people can be this sad. I guess that’s why I wanted to go back home, to find that old me back and put myself together.
I’ve never thought such hollow words would come from me, that I would give someone all those half-hearted laughter and empty smiles. Man, I’m really selfish that way, they deserved an honest smile.
Everyday I tell myself to be stronger, to be more cheerful and that no one else should be affected by this mess that I brought upon myself. But a simple thought, man, I didn’t know a simple thought would be strong enough to strip all that pep talk away. That’s life I suppose.
I’ve said this but yeah, I’m still trying to recover. Didn’t know it was this hard. A lot of the mornings before this, I was convinced I’m all good and I got over it but nah, life just likes to throw more stuff at you. Heh. I don’t know how long it will take but it won’t be soon.
Strength
Dear God, the current me is a failure. I need to have my old self back so I don't flunk this quarter. I want my success to continue into this quarter but this shadow that's been hovering in my head won't go away.
I'm trying really hard to focus but I can't. I can't afford to wait until the day I come back home to recover. I'm trying my best to focus but these whispers in my heart is too loud. I tried to ignore it, shun it but it's not working.
Help me
Pathetic
This post is going to be full of negative vibes, I advise you to ignore it.
Just ramblings of my heart because random thoughts of patheticness have been bombarding my head, and these are some
Time doesn't heal, it preserves your sanity.
Time doesn't heal, it lets you dig a hole big enough to keep everything in
Why cry over losing something you never had in the first place?
I'm an idiot, a fool.
Why can't my heart be still?
I need to look for pieces of me
I want to leave the things that's draining me
I don't want to think of this
Will I always end up like this?
I'm pathetic.
Suka dalam duka
When can I stop pretending to smile?
I never knew a smile can hurt so much
Funny how something that can make people so happy can break a person into pieces
I want to forget this
I feel like writing a song and name it "The Sweetest Mistake"
I should be happy for the things that happened
I'm fighting a battle with myself, to not let all these negative feelings get the best of me
I want to be myself again
I'm stupid
Why does my mind keep drifting to the same spot?
I really thought I was stronger
I'm actually a weak fool
A sore loser too
I just want to go back, can I go back now?
Can I take off this armor and show my weaknesses for once?
Why am I like this? I shouldn't be
I don't know why it hurts, it shouldn't have hurt
Because nothing ever transpired anyway
So why agonize over something that was never there
Be strong, stop thinking of this
Focus
I'm tired of living, can I just be like the wind or the stars for once?
This is tiring
Funny how it doesn't take much to spoil your day
I hope I have spare-parts of me back home
I'm pathetic
I'm weak
I like to whine
I'm a fool
I like to douse myself with sadness
I should stop this
Sometimes I feel like a paralyzed guy who's trying really hard to learn how to walk again
Lessons Learned
Recently, life decided to give me a bunch of lessons in life. They were tough for me to swallow but I guess they were good experience.
I've learned that:
- You don't know how strong you are until it's put to a test
- I've never went through that amount of sadness in my life. Heh.
- I'm really a weak guy and a sore loser
- Letting go of something you really like is super hard
- Forgetting that you've liked something is impossible
- Dealing with losing something you really like means you have to accept the fact that you've lost it and move on. Avoiding it only makes it worse
- Family and friends should be valued above everything, even if it hurts
- When you have no one to talk to for support, God is always there for you
- I should appreciate God's creations even more
- Life has a sadistic way to rub salt into your wound and opening it up again when you thought you've closed it
- Some things were never meant to be. They just weren't and you just have to accept it.
- A part of my life can make a very good but absurdly sad drama
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